"Land ho!" the sailor yelled from the top of the main sail.
"At last!" Margarethe hissed, keeping her legs crossed and threatening to kill her offspring if it was born at sea. "Hurry up!" she yelled at Columbus. "I want this kid born on American soil!"
Columbus *and* his crew were eager to get rid of the female demon and prayed to Neptune to help them out. Neptune, god of the sea and fearful of no one and nothing... knew that the ship's crew was ready to toss Margarethe and/or her offspring into his domain. He couldn't allow her to taint the sea... and flicked his hands behind the Pinta and caused a huge wave to push the ship forward and to the dock.
Aside with muse:
Muse: There was a dock?
Me: Of course there was a dock. Did you think Margarethe was going to allow Chris to anchor the Pinta offshore and take a rowboat into Manhattan? Tsk.
Muse: Silly me.
Luck was definitely on their side. The Pinta slipped right alongside the Staten Island Ferry that was just pulling out. Naturally, everyone on board waved to those weird looking folks on the Pinta.
"Gosh! Those native Americans are a really friendly bunch, aren't they?" Paul murmured to his wife.
"Friendly, schiemdly. Call 911. The kid is about to bust his way out of my belly."
And so it came to pass...
Margarethe and Paul Bunyan became the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy.
Margarethe was a very good mother. She fed her growing boy all the good things growing boys like to eat... caterpillars and frog legs and slimy bugs. She allowed him to wear his baseball cap backwards... and didn't complain when he practiced the most interesting word combinations. She was just a little taken aback when he turned into a vegan...
"Egads! The boy must have too many of your genes," she complained to Paul Bunyan. "He actually enjoys eating green things. I may have to send him to marine boot camp where he won't be able to eat anything but steak and mashed potatoes."
Aside with muse:
Muse: That's all they eat at marine boot camp?
Me: Uh... and chocolate cheesecake, too.
Muse: Whewwww. No wonder our country is so great!
Fortunately, for all concerned - especially the United States military - the boy grew out of his vegan phase and went on to experience other delicacies. He learned the merits of macaroni and cheese, milkshakes, chocolate, and sex.
And Margarethe and Paul Bunyan and their son lived happily ever after.
Unfortunately... America didn't fare quite so well...
Their son grew up to be none other than...
You won't believe this.
Are you sitting?
Wait! Go get a glass of wine before you continue to read this.
Take a big gulp.
A really big gulp.
Aside with muse:
Muse: WHO IS HE?
Me: Tsk. You're shouting.
Muse: If you don't tell me who he is, I'm going to edit out all your "have's" and replace them with "got's!"
Me: Whoaaaaaa. That's cruel! So cruel that I'm not going to say who he is and you can just guess."
Muse: I'm going to tell Cowboy!
Me: Sheesh! Who do you think it is? It's Howard Stern, of course.