Fact IV: After the Fact
The end results of the medical tests are that I have a minor tummy problem that could benefit from a few meds - no big deal.
And... the results of the blood work were okay, too... except... I tested positive for Tootsie Rolls...
Meanwhile... we're home and I haven't spoken to Cowboy for three days. He is not happy with me... like that's news.
"Talk to me, Sar," the commanding officer orders as he cups my chin, making me look at him.
I twist away. I'm still angry at the way he and David ambushed me and took me to the hospital. Big bullies!
"I love you, baby," he whispers, trying to soften me up.
I remain stoic and silent.
He makes comfort food for my aching tummy - tomato soup, egg salad sandwiches with lots of mayo, praline crunch milkshake. He watches me and frowns when I eat just a little but dig into my pockets for chocolate bars. "I want you to eat real food, Sar."
"Mmmm," I hum, sucking on the chocolate.
He takes it out of my hand.
I kick him.
He hauls me onto his lap and with a clenched jaw, growls at me. "You're eating real food. No arguments, no rebellion."
My arms cross over my chest - a sure sign that I'm on the verge of serious rebellion... and losing the battle.
"Tomato soup, first," he murmurs, holding the mug of soup in front of my mouth. I take a sip. He frowns; I take another sip. He purses his lips; I sip again and then push his hand away.
"Ggnnfs!" I mutter as I reach for the chocolate bar but change my mind when I feel his extremely large hand suddenly cupping my very small tush.
"Good girl!" he murmurs when I take a few more sips.
"Good girl!" I mimic, speaking to him for the first time in days and pushing his hand away again. "Good girl? Do you like the way I performed?" I ask as if I had just done a dog and pony show.
"Sar..." he gives me "that look," knowing full well that I hate that expression and that I know he says it when he's pleased and means no disrespect. I can't help it; I'm still angry at the high-handed manner in which he took me to the base hospital.
"Take a bite of your sandwich," he says softly, holding it in front of me.
I refuse, turning my head away from his hand and reaching for the milkshake instead.
"Not until you eat a little, baby," he says, moving the milkshake out of my reach.
"Eat a little, Sar," he coaxes. "Eat a little and you can have the milkshake."
I turn away from him. v"I'm sorry about the doctors and the tests and taking you to the hospital," he says softly, turning me so I'm straddling his lap. "But I'd do it again if it meant keeping you well. I know you're angry at how it happened but you mean more to me than anything on earth. Do you understand?" he asks, cupping my chin.
"I understand that you didn't think enough of my feelings; I understand that you didn't care that I didn't want to do this. I understand that you use your size to do what you want where I'm concerned; I understand that you took matters into your own hands and didn't bother to inform me of your intentions."
"Oh baby," he murmurs, hugging me. "I'm sorry. I apologize but it had to be done."
"No, it didn't!" I am adamant and still angry at his bossy ways.
"I'm not arguing, Sar," he says firmly. You needed to get checked out. You're on meds now so obviously, it was necessary."
"You should have told me we were going. You shouldn't have just taken me without my consent," I mumble, unhappy.
"Would you have gone?" he asks quietly.
"I don't know," I admit in all honesty, "but you should have told me anyway."
He nods. "Maybe I should have," he agrees, "but I didn't and it's a done deal so let's just move on. Now, I want you to eat something. You're way too thin."
"Was that an apology?" I ask, still skeptical.
"Yes, I apologize for the way I handled this matter." He cups my face with both hands and stares at me. "But I'd do it again if it meant you needed to see a doctor and objected. Now, I want you to eat something. And from now on, you're eating healthier."
"I am not eating vegetables!"
"Yes, you are, but for now, you're going to finish this soup and eat this sandwich."
"Not eating until you promise not to shove vile vegetables down my throat."
"Sar..." he warns softly, one large hand suddenly cupping my tush.
"And further more," I continue as if there's a chance in hell that my butt is gonna receive amnesty... "I demand 100 get-out-of-bad-girl spanking cards... and... and... unlimited chocolate."
"Only a hundred?" he asks, trying to keep a straight face but I can feel his chest rumbling as he tries to stifle his laughter.
"Okay, two hundred," I counter. So, I'm easy.
He loses it and bursts out laughing which gives me a chance to slip off his lap and out the door. I'm halfway across the yard when he tackles me. The wretch is still laughing...
That's it! I'm trading Wonder Woman in for Bat Girl... maybe, Cat Woman.
"Cruisin' for a bruisin', cara mia," he warns softly as he hugs me and then casually tosses me over his shoulder and heads back to the house.
"Gonna hurl," I warn him since I'm really tired of looking at the ground from this far up.
"You do and I'll spank you right out here!" he threatens, his voice still soft.
"One hundred get-out-of-bad-girl spanking cards," I retort, my fists clinging to the back of his T-shirt.
"Unlimited chocolate and 50 get-out-of-bad-girl spanking cards."
"I'll eat one vile veggie a week, unlimited chocolate and settle for 50 get-out-of-bad-girl spanking cards."
"You'll eat veggies every night; your chocolate is going to be limited and you'll get spanked when you deserve it!"
"The hell I will!
"Anything else you want to tell me?" he asks as we approach the back door.
"Yes! You can go to hell! Straight to hell! Do not pass GO! Do not..."
"Put me down right this minute! Don't you dare spank me again! Who the hell do you think you are? You're nothing but a..."
"Giant piss-ant squid who loves you more than life itself, mia adore," he whispers as his hand connects one more time and his mouth covers mine.
The man can kiss... sighhhh He can really kiss. When he's kissing me, I forget everything else. sighhhh
"And you're eating vegetables every day," he licks *that* spot behind my ear and "you're cutting back on chocolate," he adds as his mouth finds mine again.
What? Did he say something? Quick! Somebody tell me what he said.
"And you're going to be sleeping on your tummy for the rest of the year if you continue to defy me! I'm out of patience, Sar. Finish that soup and eat that sandwich now!"
"What?" I finally catch up with my surroundings; my mouth automatically disengages from my mind and runs away with itself... spouting sentiments I hear the exact same time the squid does. Swear to all the gods! I had no idea my mouth had a mind of it own!
"You can't order me around like one of your subordinates, Admiral Squiddles!" I yell as I yank away from his grasp and try to make a run for it. "You can take those farkin' orders and go to hell and when you get there, you can just stuff them up your... and f... fff..."
He catches me before I've taken more than a half dozen steps. "Wonder Woman!!"
Does he have to laugh when he catches me? No couth.
"Which veggie are you going to cook tonight?" he asks as he lands a hard swat on my sweet patootie. "That's for cursing." Another hard swat... He tosses me over his shoulder and another... and heads for our bedroom.
"Candied yams," I grumble trying to wiggle off of him.
"Try again," he retorts and swats....
"Ow! Damn squid! Go to hell!" I punch his back, which is not easy from the over-the-shoulder position.
"Which green vegetable are we going to be eating tonight, imp?" he repeats the question, settling on the bed. I'm now facing the carpet and feeling a cool breeze on my suddenly bared bottom.
"Pickles!" I scream, kicking and wiggling and finally manage to turn onto my back.
Cowboy loses it; his laughter rings out and he hauls me up to his chest and hugs the stuffin' out of me.
"Ti voglio, bambina (I love you, baby.) Dulcé, molté dulcé (Sweet, so sweet.)" he murmurs, kissing me until I'm reduced to near liquid and pure putty in his hands. When he has me where he wants me, he lands a heavy swat on my bare bottom but before he turns me over, I remind him that he's at fault more than I am.
"You're the one who deserves the spanking, squidlet!" His brow arches."You're the one who took me to the hospital without my consent," I say softly, trying to remain calm... both from the spanks as well as the sexual tension that is building. "You owe me lots and lots of sweet spankings!"
"I'll deliver," he promises, "but that's not getting you out of this one."
"Not fair!" I'm back to being indignant.
"All's fair in love and war, cara mia," he smiles, turning me over his lap again.
"Cowboy! I'll never speak to you again!"
"I'll manage," he chuckles, landing a few too many spanks and then pulls me back into his arms, his hands rubbing my bottom, his lips kissing away my tears.
"Broccoli," he whispers in my ear as his hands continue to soothe my sore cheeks. "Stewed tomatoes," he continues the torture as his hands move to other parts of my anatomy. "Zucchini, eggplant, and maybe, even turnips," he chuckles as my eyes go wide.
"We'll save the Brussels sprouts for when you're feeling better," he whispers as his mouth covers mine again.
"You have no couth," I tell him, as I yield.
"I know," he grins. "And I found your stash of chocolate in the hall closet and the one in the bathroom linen closet."
I don't respond because those stashes are the ones I wanted him to find; the chocolate I sneak when he's not looking isn't in such obvious places. Admirals don't know EVERYthing... or... maybe they do.
"Where are the other stashes, mia bella?"
I feign innocence. He arches a brow. I smile. He purses his lips and gives me "that look."
"Gonna get your little fanny warmed up some more," he warns softly.
"What did I do? Why?"
"Don't need a reason, little one."
"No couth!" I shout. He laughs, swats, laughs some more.
... the band plays on ...