No Couth!
by saradora

Woke up with chest cold... "which is what you get for dancing naked in the backyard in 40 degree weather, brat!" Well... duh!

Had a little nervous energy most of the day... "Hell NO! You are NOT jogging when you're coughing! Get back in bed!" Make me!

Running a slight fever... "Get out of bed one more time and your fanny will be as hot as your forehead!" Promises... promises.

Got a little sleepy and goofy... "Don't argue with me! You're swallowing this cough medicine if I have to pour it down your throat!" Yeah, yeah. You and what Army?

Very little appetite... "So help me god, Sar! If you eat chocolate instead of this hot soup, I'll turn your butt cherry red!" Could we make it strawberry? I much prefer rose to red.

Cuddled with the pups who were very disappointed I wasn't eating and sharing... "Did you eat the meal I just made for you or did the dogs eat it?" Three guesses... first two don't count.

Off the computer all day... "If you're well enough to be on the computer, you're well enough to get your butt warmed for dancing last night when I expressly told you...." Oh Lord! He's lecturing again.

Too goofy to log onto the Internet... "If you're not better in the morning, we're going to see a doctor." Crumb! Gonna be better in the morning if it kills me!

"I expect you to stay in bed today, Sar. Don't want you to have a relapse. Is that clear?


"Did you hear me, Sar?"

"Everyone in Western Washington heard you, Your Holiness!"



I'm going to call you on the house phone when I get to the base and you'd better be here to answer it!" He emphasizes this warning with a firm swat. My leg moves up to kick him in the butt when he suddenly turns around, grabs me, gives me another firm swat and a hard kiss before he leaves. The man has eyes behind his head and no couth!

As soon as his holiness, the Admiral, left, I dressed, put the house phone on call forwarding to my cell phone, and then stuffed myself with chocolate - just for fortification. The pups and I went out for breakfast: 9 Eggs McMuffins - 7 orders Onion rings, 1 order French fries (for BullyBoy who likes fries with his onion rings.) 10 Apple crispy thingies - 3 Milkshakes, 1 large coffee, lots of napkins.

Feeling much better now, we head for home while I consider the risks of getting caught jogging. What's the worst than can happen? I weigh the risks:

A/My neighbor, nosy Mrs. Hair-Up-Her-Ass will rat on me and I'll get a mild spanking because her credibility isn't all that terrific.

B/My neighbor, the pervert, 95-year old Peeper Patterson will rat on me but only to complain that I was wearing spandex while jogging... instead of my birthday suit. He has more credibility so the spanking would be harder.

C/Both of them will rat on me and Cowboy could believe it's a conspiracy... naw. He'll believe them and my butt will be burnt to toast.

On the other hand... Cowboy would never spank me if I were coughing... Would I be coughing anyway... even without jogging? Hmmm...


The dogs are anxious to run. I love my babies, but don't want to get caught. Hmmm... I turn the car around and drive to a nearby park. The dogs and I race like the wind, sink to the grass to roll and giggle and play and then head for home, quite happy about everything.

I shower, brush my teeth of onions rings, et al and change into pj's when the phone rings.

"Hey babe. How you feeling?" he asks in a calm voice.

My heart is racing...

"Okay," I mumble.

"Where are you, Sar?" he interrogates in his 'commanding officer - you better not be fibbing' voice.

"In bed," I answer because that's where I am, having collapsed onto it the moment I heard his voice.


"Truth," I say in all honesty.

"What did you do, baby?" he asks softly.

"What do you mean?" I am self-righteously indignant. "I'm right here! In our bed! In pj's! And... and... that's the truth!"

"Uh-huh," he remains calm. "What were you doing before I called?"

"Brushing my teeth."



"Where did you go and what did you eat before I called?"

Christ on a clamshell! The man has radar!

I chose silence over self-incrimination.

"Gonna come clean, baby, or are we going to have a little discussion when I get home?"

Hmmm... This is tricky. Does this mean if I 'fess up, we WON'T have a discussion when he gets home?


"Listen, Cowboy," I say softly and contritely as if I'm going to confess to being the reincarnation of Lizzie Borden, the axe-murderer... and promptly push the dial tone and OMG! Disconnected him. Whew! When it comes to saving my butt from a serious unjustified spanking, I play dirty! Then I take the phone off the hook.

"Yes-s-s-s!" I wave my fist in the air, wild with glee at my strategy and immediately start coughing.

My cell phone rings but it's in my handbag waaaayyyyy on the other side of the room... and I'm really a little tired now... time for a nap... smooch the pups who are on the floor near me... lie down... zzzzzzzz.

"Camel dung!" I yell many zzzzzzzz later when I feel a hard swat on my teeny tiny butt. "What the fark!" I add which gets me another sharp spank and I am now face down over a uniform covered lap. His hand is moving rapidly and the distance and time lag between the swing of his arm and my tender bottom is miniscule. Yikes! Stings like hell!

"Cowboy! Stop!"

"Make me!" he throws my words back at him. The man has no couth.

"Please stop!" I am squirming and wiggling and plan to hold my breath till hell freezes over.

"Did you disobey me?" he asks quite calmly considering his arm/hand has declared war on my bottom.

"Ggnnssfs." Did I disobey him? Did he tell me not to do something? Jeez! That was hours ago... how am I supposed to remember what it was when I am turning blue from a lack of oxygen?

"I thought so," he replies, delivering a really firm swat that almost sent me flying across the bed.


What's a girl to do? I start coughing. He stops spanking and pulls me up to raise my arms over my head so my lungs can clear a little quicker. I manage to cough a little harder to ensure tears. I'm really good at this. Anybody want lessons?

He hugs me and kisses away my tears and then whispers in my ear while he nibbles on it. "Do you know why I spanked you, imp?"

"Yes," I mutter, pushing his mouth away. "You spanked me because you're bigger than me."

"That's right," he agrees, lifting me onto his chest so he can deliver another firm swat. I yelp. He chuckles. The man has no couth.

"And also because you got out of bed and left the house," he tilts my head back to make me look at him but I refuse. "And you ate junk food on top of that," he adds as he nuzzles my neck which he knows will make me shiver. Did I mention he has no couth whatsoever at all?

"What makes you think I ate junk food?" I ask innocently since I know darn well I brushed my teeth and gargled and everything!

"BullyBoy licked my face when I came in," he grins, "and I smelled his breath."

Jeez! Gonna have to remember to brush the pups' teeth next time.

"Do you deny any of this?" he gives me a stern look but I can see his lips starting to curve. No couth!

"You told me to be here when you called," I remind him, ignoring his question. "And I was."

"True," he admits, "but you hung up on me."

"We were disconnected!"

"Sar, you're a terrible liar," he chuckles and gives me another swat. I curse. He swats again. I start coughing.

"The more you cough, the longer you stay in bed, imp," he warns.

"Will you stay with me?" Ha! And you thought I was dumb for coughing...

"If that's the only way I can make you stay in bed," he says with a resigned sigh as if it were a great sacrifice... pieces of his uniform flying across the room as he quickly strips.

"I'm positive it's the only way," I confirm, straddling his lap.

"If you say so, imp," he laughs as he lands another firm swat on my sensitive bottom... kisses the sting away... spanks again... kisses... the band plays on...

"You gonna dance naked in the backyard and chance getting sick again?" he asks when we are capable of speech.

"Might have to," I murmur, snuggling closer.

"Well... in case you do..." he pauses dramatically and opens the nightstand drawer to show me a thin paddle.

"A paddle?" I'm stunned. Cowboy uses his large hand to spank me, never an implement. I grab it and toss it through the open door where the pups pounce on it when I yell "KILL!" and in no time, it's broken. I smile with satisfaction.

Cowboy laughs and smacks my butt again. When I complain about the sting, he rubs it away and whispers in my ear. "I bought out the paddle inventory at the base commissary, today, imp."

"I'll burn them in the fireplace," I reply, confident he'll never use them on me.

"Make sure you burn them one at a time," he grins, "'cause every time you do, I'm gonna warm your little butt."

The man is totally lacking in couth.


~ End ~

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