A mild bout with pneumonia caught me recently - reached right out and jumped into my lungs. Honestly... it happens to the most innocent cough of us and certainly, when we least expect it. Cowboy said it was my own fault 'cause I like to run in the rain. Humph!
It was slow going getting over this - antibiotics were horse-sized pills and getting them down was a near impossible feat. Always helpful, Cowboy coaxed... cajoled... yelled... ordered... and then held me immobile while he shoved them down my throat. The man is totally without couth! I had a few indelicate comments to make when he did this...
"Camel dung!" "Not worth baboon spit!" "Piss-ant squid!" and "Son of a..."
"Careful, Sar," he warned softly. "You knew my mother."
Sigh... I *did* know his mother and she was the most wonderful creature on earth. I miss her terribly.
"If I have to hold you down every time you need to take one of these pills," he said softly, "I'll warm your bottom every time. Is that clear?"
Is that clear!?! Did I mention he has no couth?
"You *do* that, Admiral Piss-Clam, and I'll hurl all over you!"
"You're taking these pills - period!" he informs me as he pulls me up onto his chest and there...
"You know..." he murmurs in my ear as he continues to hold me against his chest and gently rubs my stinging bottom, "I've read some of those spanking stories on that site you go to and..."
"... and about this time... some of those guys really light a fire in their little gal's butt... and you know what else they do?"
Hmmm... is this rhetoric on his part or does he really expect an answer? Wonder Woman! This might be your cue!
"Ggffmphs" Given the position I'm in, this is all I can come up with at the moment.
He puts me back on my feet, cups my face between his hands and says...
"They make the little gal stand in a corner and think about what just happened. What do you think about that?"
"I think..." I pause dramatically as I step back and away from him, "that if you were ever to do either of those two things...." I begin to shout... "You'd be walking around with your dangly bits in a paper bag!" I am now running OUT the door.
This is my friend, Rue's fault. That's what she said she'd do if a guy did something she didn't like. Uh-Huh!! It's her fault. And since she lives on a different continent...
Cowboy's voice is soft but very firm. His soft voice is much scarier than his loud one.
Wonder Woman!! I need you!
"Wait!" I yell at my pups as they follow me to the kitchen door. They'll fill the doorway and block Cowboy's way into the backyard. The dogs stand still and I swear the Rott is grinning. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the BullMastiff stand on his hind legs and lean on the squid as he's trying to push them out of his way.
He yells at me to call the dogs. Yeah, sure, right. He should be happy I yelled WAIT and not KILL. Tsk. Do I look like I just fell off a turnip truck? Ewwwww, turnips... Yuck.
I'm up a tree and ready to jump the fence into my neighbor's yard when the scuffling at the kitchen door has cleared and I see Cowboy sprinting across the yard after me. The dogs are following - this is a great game to them. Cowboy's not saying anything but the look on his face is not a pretty one.
I have one leg on top of the fence... I jump... and land on both feet and... get thrown - not too gently - over a strong shoulder.
"Gotcha SweetCheeks!" he chortles.
Marines should NOT chortle.
"Scum! Pond scum!" That's *really* disgusting scum.
"You owe me, squid!" he yells to Cowboy on the other side of the fence.
What am I? Chopped liver?
"This is *NOT* fair," I yell when David jumps the fence and hands me over to the giant squid. Big show off! He could have simply walked around to the front of the neighbor's house and into ours.
"All's fair in love and war, bambina," Cowboy chuckles and delivers a few firm swats to my teeny tiny tush.
"It's not right. I was away fair and square. If David hadn't shown up, you'd still be chasing me and..."
"Battles have been won by serendipity... pure chance and circumstances, bella. A warrior takes advantage of every opportunity."
Sheesh! I'm about to be spanked and I'm getting a lecture on military strategy. And serendipity? Ha! He probably doesn't even know what the word means!
I am indignant and feeling put-upon. "Wellllll..." I drawl, eyeing the two six-foot, five-inch veterans of real war. "You two must be sooooo proud. About 500 lbs between you and you overpowered a 110 lb girl. What brave warriors you are!"
Silence ensues... dead silence... ominous silence. I notice that Wonder Woman hasn't shown up either.
"David," Cowboy speaks quietly. "Sar and I need a few moments alone."
"I'll help myself to the fridge. Take your time," he grins.
I was going to be nice to David this Christmas. Now I just have to buy him that twelve-step program with a sex therapist. It's advertised for "closet folks" who want to go straight... On the other hand, there's a gay site that delivers feely-meely, hugsy, kissy Xmas greetings in person... He wasn't crazy about the micro jock strap I knitted for him last year.
Honestly... I thought the yellow butterflies were a nice touch. Maybe, this year, I should get him one with teddy bears - in a smaller size.
Cowboy doesn't say anything as he continues to hold me and climbs the stairs to our bedroom. He cuddles me close as he sits on the side of the bed and asks me if I love him.
"Of course I love you," I mumble as I bury my face in his chest.
"Do you trust me?" he asks.
"Do you deserve this spanking, piccola?"
I look up at him. "Did I insult your warrior-ness?"
"No," he chuckles. "The size of the opponent is unimportant."
"It wasn't fair of David," I begin my tirade.
"No, it wasn't," he agrees, "but as long as you're in my arms, I don't care how you got there." He follows this with kisses and I feel loved again.
"I'm not spanking you for running or for your sassiness, Sar. I'm spanking you for not taking the antibiotics. Our rule is that if you put your life or your health in jeopardy, you pay the consequences. You trust me to do what's right and what's right is that you should be..."
"I *do* take them," I protest. "They're just so big! Hard to swallow and..."
"You take them," my patient lover says, "when I force them down your throat. I shouldn't have to do that. You know that," he ends his discourse and turns me over his lap.
I don't know when my jeans went flying but I *do* remember the feel of his heavy hand on my bare tush. Yeoouchhh! That hurt!
"I'm not going to forgive you for this," I remind him as I try to catch my breath while hard swats are raining down on my sweet patootie.
His laughter... at a time like this... is not amusing.
"Have you ever forgiven me for spanking you like this?" he asks between chuckles, his hand still in motion.
"Noooooo," I groan and make myself go limp.
"Then why should this be any different?" he murmurs as he pulls me back up to his chest to hold me close.
"Sar, I love you," he reminds me as he rubs his face on mine. "When you don't take care of yourself, I'll still love you but I'll spank you."
"Not fair," I mumble.
A soft murmured litany of Italian follows. I don't understand all the words but I recognize "love" and "want you" and "precious" and "baby" and "little one" and "desire" and "make love to you" and "in my arms" and a few others.
We didn't see David until the next morning; we were preoccupied with each other and I did manage to swallow one of those horse pills by myself. Cowboy was pleased and made sure I knew it... Sigh... 'twas glorious. I asked him if he would love me every time I took one of those pills. He replied that I'd get spanked if I didn't! Honestly... some days... ~sar~