Do you take this woman... to have and to hold from this day forward...
"Yes, always," the tall man spoke with assurance, his deep voice carrying to the far corners of the church, his words a solemn vow. She would fight him every inch of the way but she was his, now and forever, till the end of their days. Thank you, God. Amen.
Do you take this man... to have and to hold from this day forward...
"Hell no! Not now, not ever!" she hissed and kicked the man by her side for good measure and then turned to the minister to kick him as well.
"She means yes," her bridegroom said as he grabbed the hellcat by his side, hauling her off her feet before she kicked him again. He looked at their witnesses to see if anyone was distressed by her outburst but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.
"I've got you, Louie," he whispered into her ear. "I've got you and I'm never going to let you go."
"Don't close your eyes, Joe Taggert! 'Cause if you ever do, I'll kill you."
Do you take this woman... for better or for worse...
"Yes," he said loud and clear, knowing it was going to be a lot worse before it ever got better. "For whatever comes our way, I want her and I take her for my own."
Do you take this man... for better or for worse...
"Are you out of your ever lovin' mind?" Louise Rogers screamed at the minister who was instantly cowed by her vehemence. "If he was the *last* man on earth, I'd still kill the son of a bitch!" and she emphasized her vow by punching the man who held her with all her might.
"She means yes," her bridegroom shouted loud enough so that the minister could hear him above her angry voice and wrapped his arms around the hellion in an attempt to hold her still.
Do you take this woman... for richer or for poorer...
"Yes," he promised. "I'd take her stark naked if necessary," and then grinned at the gasp that escaped between Louie's lips and the stunned look on the minister's face.
Do you take this man... for richer or for poorer...
"I don't care if he was rich as Croesus," she shrieked. "He'd still be dead meat. I'll poison you if I have to," she yelled at the man holding her tight.
"She means yes," her bridegroom corrected as he tightened his hold on the squirming angry woman in his arms.
Do you take this woman... in sickness and in health...
"Yes," he vowed. "I'll take her in any condition, sick, healthy, spitting mad, and oh so sweet," he murmured for her ears only. "So sweet when I get you in my bed again, my love." And then he chuckled at her outraged expression and the threats she threw at him because of his words.
Do you take this man... in sickness and in health...
"Over my dead body," she yelled at the minister. "And your balls are in jeopardy you slimy son of a bitch," she hissed at the man holding her against her will. "If you ever so much as touch me again, I'll..."
"You'll... what, my love?" he grinned at her, his hand briefly squeezing her bottom cheeks and then moving up her body to cup her breast. "She means yes," he added for the benefit of the shocked minister and the shocked witnesses and in case God was actually listening.
Do you take this woman... in sadness and in joy...
"Jesus! Yes! I take her and I promise her joy," he said softly as he pulled her head back against his chest.
Do you take this man... in sadness and in joy...
"No," she whimpered, unable to move and worn out from the emotional seesaw she had been on for too many weeks.
"She means yes," her bridegroom responded and bent her head further back so he could kiss her brow.
Do you take this woman... to love and to cherish...
"Dear Lord, yes," he said loud and clear and whispered that he loved her with all his heart.
Do you take this man... to love and to cherish and to obey...
"No!" she managed to shout loud enough to cause silence to reign throughout the church.
"She means yes," her bridegroom murmured and smiled at the minister, his look encouraging the man to hurry and finish the ceremony.
Do you take this woman... till death you part...
"Yes," he swore. "Till death."
Do you take this man... till death you part...
"As long as he dies in the next thirty seconds," she said quietly and for the moment, resigned to her fate.
"She said yes," her bridegroom smiled happily.
What God has joined together – let no man put asunder.
He was worn out - his testimony in court had been his final act in bringing a serial rapist to the justice he deserved - life imprisonment with no chance for parole. He and his partner had worked the case for months following every piece of evidence, interviewing and sometimes interrogating every possible witness. Detective Joe Taggert needed a break. His precinct captain told him to use up some of those extra vacation days he had been saving. "Use 'em or lose 'em," he was told.
A night at the local hangout was in order. Everyone in his precinct frequented O'Malley's including Joe. Lately he had been too busy or too worn out to drop by for a drink. There was dancing on the weekends and this was Friday night. He was ready for a few beers and a little relaxation.
He was just working on his 2nd draft when someone tapped him on his shoulder. Turning, he looked down into the prettiest pair of brown eyes he'd seen in a long time. A doll standing a little over 5 feet and maybe 100 lbs., the little lady had the prettiest smile ...and a knockout body.
"Wanna dance?" she asked as her eyes boldly raked his body.
"Uh huh," he replied, rising to his full height of 6'2" and followed her out onto the dance floor.
Her arms went around his waist, her head nestled under his chin, and when he pulled her close, he chuckled, inhaling the fumes from the beer she had consumed. She had to be three sheets to the wind.
"Had a few tonight, darlin'?" he asked, tilting her chin up to look in her face.
"Anyone ever tell ya that you're a gorgeous man, Mr. Hunk Stuff?"
"Only you, doll face," he grinned.
"You any good in bed?" she demanded.
"Outstanding!" he declared, trying to smother his laughter at her outrageous words. "You want me to prove it?"
"Maybe later," she answered, trying to remember why she was on the dance floor and being held by this tall stranger. She shrugged. It had to be all right; she was in a cop bar. Cops were the good guys, right?
It had been one of those piss-ant kinda days. Hell! It had been one of those piss-ant kinda months! First she thought she was pregnant; her cycle had never been late before. Relief washed over her when it came around and then she was mad as hell that the jerk she thought she could depend on left town when he thought she was carrying his child. Then there was the matter of a place to live. Her apartment building was going condo and she had to find another place or be out on the streets.
What else? Oh yeah, her car had decided to die on the interstate, her cell phone was dead and she hitched a ride in the first pickup truck that had come along. The driver turned out to be a tobacco chewing farm boy with wandering hands. She slugged him before he could get too friendly and jumped out of the truck when he slowed down to gasp for breath. She missed the pavement but bruised her knees and then her butt when she rolled and landed on it. She cursed a blue streak but was thankful for the grassy shoulder. When she got back to her car, it had been ticketed. Could anything else go wrong? Yeah. In two hours, her car had been stripped of tires, battery, radio and CD player.
It was more than she could take. She hitched another ride and returned to the police precinct to report her damaged car and then wandered into the first bar she saw... and drank herself stupid. Belatedly, she realized it was a cop bar - lots of uniforms and lots of badges and lots of beers later, she was so nauseous she thought she was going to die. But before she died, she wanted a great romp in the sack and that's when she spotted Mr. Hunk Stuff. And he was holding her... and he smelled good... and she looked up into his smiling face ...and promptly passed out.