Emma!
Part Three
by sarAdora

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3 January
Dear Emma,

I start the new year with all my parts in full joy. Spending the eve of the new year with you has given me many memories to embrace for those times when we are distances apart. Our relationship in two places has lasted for many months now and it has accumulated a history of memories. I look forward to more memories for us with great confidence, joy and sweet mystery. Whatever the end result - be it tomorrow or next month or when we meet our Gods in their heavens - I will treasure whatever we may share. Please do not let it be tomorrow. My heart just returned from Pittsburgh and I would like it to stay a while within me.

I hug the memory of our time together and have only one regret. I wish we could have spent more time with each other - if we were together a year I fear I would repeat the same painful words. I confess I would have wished for more intimacy with you. Your head upon my shoulder when we saw the new year in was not there long enough. Your hand in mine as we walked back to your hotel was not in my hand long enough. Your smile when you kissed my cheek is imprinted in my skin and I would have had it linger longer. Ah sweet Emma, your form leaning against my chest as my arms encircled you, it was not long enough.

My sleep is filled with joy as my mind travels back to the time of us together. I dream of you Emma and I ask my Gods and yours to watch over you. I need to be with you again.

As ever,

Kyou

~~~~~~~

23 January
Dear Emma,

I am in the middle of a flow of words for my research paper and I fear it may consume me but I could not stop myself from opening the thick packet that came in the mail and had your name on the top left corner. I saw right away that it was a manuscript and I teased myself with the first page. Oh Emma! I teased myself with the next 5 pages and then the next 10! My left hand made my right hand release it so I could go back to my research. I will reward myself with more of your story after a few more hours of work. It will be an incentive to me to be studious and I will parcel out your words and drench myself in the wondrous tale you have created.

My chest is puffed with pride for you!

Kyou

~~~~~~~

29 January
Dear Emma,

At my most difficult hours I am tempted to talk to you. Your voice is sweet to my ears and your words always calm me. I will not call you at this hour - it is very late. I pull out your last letter and read it again. It gives me the latest touch of your thoughts and I picture your face as you speak. Would you like to dance with me? I long to hold you in my arms. Beautiful music comes from my radio and fills my heart with the most tender feelings. I think of you immediately.

I hope to finish the first draft of my paper over the weekend and will reward myself by finishing your story.

I wish you sweet dreams, Emma.

Kyou

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3 February
Dear Emma,

I am reading your latest letter and I hear you very clearly; I do not read your words so much as sense the vibration of your voice when I hold your letters. Your thoughts do not only sink into mine but they fill my heart so full that it pains.

I took down all pictures in my apartment. One is still hung facing against the wall. On its back is written "A Month OF No Sleep, No Pleasure." But you must be with me during these difficult days of my struggle because I sense your presence closer to me than ever before.

So very much I wish to hold you in my arms until this pain goes away.

I send you love,

Kyou

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14 February
Dear Emma,

Did my last letter shock you? Please do not feel burdened by my declaration. I was tired and the struggle to finish my research wears me down and I get in a mood that makes me weak in my emotions. I admit to caring for you deeply. That may not be the best thing for you at this time. But it sustains me in low times and dark hours - this image of you and your sweetness. I was hurt once - bad - I do not give tender feelings or my heart too freely. You have awakened it from its resting place otherwise it would not travel to Pittsburgh so often. I confess to being valiant and strong in the face of much except a spring breeze and the smile on your face and your words in my ear. I will moderate my words. I do not want to scare you away from me.

I think of you,

Kyou

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15 February
Dear Emma,

I wrote my last letter while I was worn down with my research paper. I am not sure about the content except I wrote what I felt after reading your letter. Tonight I read your letter many more times to understand your words and your feelings better.

Ever since I get to know you, I have been wondering about the mysterious force that prompted the occasion for us to meet in such an unfortunate way. I could have stopped to tie my shoelaces a moment earlier and my car would not have bumped into yours. Do you believe in destiny? I question it sometimes; perhaps, we bring events into our lives because we need to finish business that was not completed before our time on the planet now. I like to think that affairs of friendship and of the heart are that way also.

I admit I feel a small personal pride of satisfaction about the present state of our understanding and tolerance toward each other. I have had, from my boyhood, a strong trait to be adventurous; I want to do things which others would not even think of venturing. I wanted to do them good even if it may acquire of me a great deal of time, effort and patience. When the accident of our meeting occurred, my instinctive reaction was already at work. At all cost I wanted that accident not to go down in my memory as a BAD thing that happened. If the driver had not been you, my adventure might have very well failed. I am not sure of this; I am voicing thoughts only.

At the first encounter I noticed in you a person of efficiency. But as the shock of the accident dissipated, you revealed something else which assured me a chance of success in my unplanned adventure. I was immediately drawn to your aptitude of excellent speech and self-expression and the depth of your thoughts. You were not afraid to show your intelligence and you did not let it become a thing of arrogance. You are not like a lot of women I knew at the time. Thank you for that Emma. I enjoy this part of you so very much.

I have no intention of putting a stop to this access of our communication. I will be always appreciative of your participation and will do my best to properly honor your ideas. As you said, we do not know each other as well in action as we do in our thoughts that we put on parchment. There is no telling we may tire of each other or we may find each other's manner irritating as soon as we have a chance to spend more time together and observe each other more intimately. But I think this should not bother us now. We do not know what the next day may bring to us.

Emma, I do not want to stand in the way of your future life or happiness. I want you to be happy, very happy. That has become important to me. If there is another in your life that makes you happy, I will hope that you will share that with me. If the words in my last letter unsettled your mind, I hope that you read them knowing that I feel strongly about you but if I said the wrong thing or something you were not prepared to know about me - I confess - it is up to fate to decide what happens next.

My heart is not sure at this moment if it should stay or go to Pittsburgh. Please tell me what your heart thinks and if it thinks we should remain friends that meet and shake hands I will accept that. If it should think we might embrace - oh Emma! I would like that very much.

I send love to you and your heart will decide if it is a gift that it can accept.

Kyou

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17 February
Dear Emma,

I did not want to call and impose my thoughts on you. Thank you for calling me. My heart stays with me tonight. Oh Emma! I wish you were here so we could talk more. I want to see your eyes light up and your smile while we talk and discuss and yes, maybe argue.

Have we reached that place in Mexico where you think one way and I think another and we can not come to a reasonable understanding? Emma, can we agree to be friends without hope for more if that is what fate has decided for us? This Chinese man has hope in his heart that we may be warm and close friends for many phone calls and letters and years to come. If we are graced with more, this Chinese man will try to accept blessings with a humble heart.

This morning with tea, I asked my Gods to bless you with patience for surely I do not have very much. Tonight I will go to the Catholic's church and light a candle at the foot of Saint Madeleine. I will ask her to guide me in my words to you so that you will be accepting of my thoughts. I send prayers only for your well being and ask no more.

As ever,

Kyou

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28 February
Dear Emma,

The alarm clock woke me. I was asleep in a deep state and I think I had a short dream. It disturbed me and filled me with tripping heartbeats. I think you were in my dream and if you were I hope you are well because a dream with disturbance is not a good thing. I used my skip rope right away hoping that my body would be filled again with energy and drain my mind to concentrate on that dream. I cannot remember the dream and it worries me.

Please be well Emma.

Kyou

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3 March
Dear Emma,

Do we share a bond of mind and spirit? My dream came again and I woke because the phone was ringing. It was you. And you were not well. I could hear it in your voice and your words were so soft I strain my left ear to hear you. You told me that your chest was filled with a sickness that needed medicine and that you felt better already but I must say I hope you will take care and heal soon. If I cannot be with you to help you heal I will worry until I am sure you are well in body and mind and spirit again.

My Gods are not happy with this Chinese man. I told them of my disappointment that they had not looked after you well. Looking behind me I realize I should have asked why and not made an accusing finger in their many faces. I will perform an act of contrition and humble myself to be back in their good grace. Some times being a mere man has given me difficulty in saying and doing what is the right thing.

My heart is tired of Pittsburgh Emma. Please heal fast.

Kyou

~ End Part Three ~

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